Blind / Their Inner Circle

I see their pain.
They don't think I do so they feign
living the dream
so it would seem
they don't know
just how far I would go
to give of myself,
my wealth,
anything for their wholeness or health.
But they never come to me.
They don't see
how they have each other
so I simply become another
possibility they could go to
but never actually do.
I become unfulfilled potential;
I mean do I really need credentials
to do what I love, which is loving people?!
Must I become a counselor to become a friend?
One worth their time to lend
an ear to hear
every worry and fear
they hold most dear
inside themselves?

Yet I remain underwhelmed
by their efforts to seek me out
and I only ever hear about
their lives, rather than investing into their lives.
How long will I live with one foot inside their circle,
the other waiting for a miracle:
the words of an invitation,
oh what elation
to know they know what I can be:
A shoulder to cry on,
a companion until dawn,
if only they would act upon
my faithful presence in their lives.
I'm not perfect,
but I've come a long way
in learning to stay
by their side each and every day.
Now every glance, every touch,
every smile I make,
only love is in its wake
Every action I do
It's all screaming, "I'M HERE FOR YOU!"
I'm here for you.

I know I lack candor
when using words to express my affection,
especially face to face,
so this poem is my confession
that I've been hurt by being left outside
Now I've been the one whose lied
about being fine when y'all are blind
to how your actions affect my feelings
and I find myself kneeling,
praying and pleading,
for the Lord to give me an outlet for my compassion
for someone who will come to me
and let me see
every tear that falls
without hiding behind a wall.
Someone to let me hold them through the night,
to stand beside them in every emotional fight.
Is there anyone out there? To let me care?
Because I'm out of strength
to fight being kept at arm's length.
This inner circle I'm outside of...
If I need someone, consider it done,
they are there.
But I need a two-way street,
a friend to meet me halfway.
What more can I say?

C.S. Lewis wrote about the Inner Circle,
and I think he's right.
But this circle in my sight
brings insecurities to light
and takes quite the bite
out of my confidence and self-worth,
unearthing my deep desire
to simply Love. On. People.
My attempts have been more than feeble
but still rejected and cast aside
so long as I abide outside
Their Inner Circle.



09/12/16