Hide

I can’t stand silence

because I’ve placed all reliance

for peace in things

that give me wings

to fly away and escape the chaos inside.

And so I hide.

I can’t stand looking within

simply seeing all the sin

having to deal with my demons;

realizing no amount of reason

can stop this slippery slide.

And so I hide.

The impure thoughts stir and simmer

giving me a glimmer

of the sorry state I’ve become

Hoping simply to be numb

I don’t act, hoping shame will subside.

And so I hide.

Worst of all is the God above,

ever patient in His unending love,

waiting for me to open my eyes,

to see through the guise

and realize that to myself I have lied.

And so I hide.

This false solution I’ve procured

shows I haven’t matured

as much as I like to claim

so now I live in shame

still running from silence worldwide.

And so I hide.

What will it take to make me step into light,

stop resisting my Father’s gentle plight,

working to make me whole

continuously cleansing my soul.

Him I don’t want to cast aside.

And yet I hide? [Why do I hide?]

This separation has become too much to bear;

this burden I have to share

with the one who carried

the sins of the whole world, then buried

after taking His suffering in stride.

And still I hide.

He embraced so much pain,

without a single thought of selfish gain,

Yet I run at the slightest hitch in

my plans, to my chagrin.

I want to change; I want to abide

I don’t want to hide.

Abide in me, Jesus said,

so why do I choose distractions instead?

Relying on my own strength always fails,

which is exactly why Jesus took the nails.

He is where sin and grace collide.

I don’t want to hide.

I’m sorry Jesus for being so fidgety

help me experience the liberty

and freedom you offer so I won’t falter.

Let me approach and kneel before the altar.

Because of Your grace I won’t be denied.

I will not hide.

I come out of the dark

leaving behind any question mark

as to where my loyalties lie.

Lord, bring me to a place where I would rather die

than live without you by my side.

I. Will. Not. Hide.

Seeking to end my spiritual drought,

You have sought me out

as if we had played

hide and seek because I never stayed

This my confession to you I confide,

But I will no longer hide.

12/04/14

The Not So Great Divide

A road.

Some concrete,

Some pavement,

A couple colored lines.

It's a Not-So-Great Divide.

So why is it so divisive?

Why does it so strongly oppress occupants

Back to their respective sides?

What will it take

to break

this unseen force

from charting our course [creating remorse]

Limiting us to a single campus. 

Though it stems from an unknown source,

my voice has grown hoarse

as I've screamed out the superiority

of a greater force:

Our Will.

Will to walk across

can make walking possible

since this Not-So-Great Divide

isn't all-powerful.

I pity those who do not

have the opportunity

of experiencing the joys

of the Other Side.

Great people live at both Asbury's,

so don't pick sides,

come, cross this

Not-So-Great Divide.

10/27/14

Significant Words

In awe.

She took the time to read my work,

and now my fears that so often lurk

behind the veil of my mind

begin to slowly unwind.

I’ve actually contributed valuable words,

offering hope that needs to be heard

so desperately in this world.

I’ve actually mattered enough

for her to review my rough

word designs and inclines

to write these poems that sign

my name in this world.

Not that I care to be well-known,

just that these words I own

would impact the few

that read them anew.

To know that I made a difference;

that my persistence

in writing actually bears fruit

helping people make the commute

from condemnation to salvation.

Not that I am the savior,

(I barely control my behavior),

No I simply hang on the cross

to show people they can toss

their sinful life away

and live in a brand new way.

I’m grateful my friend took the time

to teach me that my rhymes
have value and worth.

10/10/14

Fidgety Face-Off

It’s time.

Time to tear these idols down.

Time to watch them fall.

It’s time.

Time to return to my first love.

Time for my adulterous heart to repent.

It’s time.

Time to remember the way He wooed me.

Time to remember I am His beloved.

It’s time.

Time to stop avoiding the hard conversations.

Time to face-off with reality: In myself and in my circumstances.

It’s time.

Time to stop avoiding intentionality.

Time to stop taking the easy way.

It’s time.

Time to remember that Jesus didn’t die so I could live how I wanted.

Time to remember that Grace came with a high price.

It’s time.

Time to reveal the dark places of my heart.

Time to begin letting go of the past.

It’s time.

Time for new relationships.

Time for old relationships to be re-invented.

It’s time.

Time for peace to reign in my life.

Time for Holiness to grow.

It’s time.

Time to thank those that have influenced my life.

Time to stop hiding my deep care and appreciation for people.

It’s time.

Time to live life in love as Jesus did.

Time to say goodbye to all the ways I’ve identified myself as anything but God’s daughter.

It’s time.

Time to sit in silence with my Father.

Time to obey the words I hear from Him.

It’s time.

Time to approach the throne room.

Time to go.

It’s time.

Time to stop fidgeting and avoiding Jesus.

Time to face-off with my sin.

It’s time.

Time for God to do what He does best:

Take Control.

09/28/14

Staying Up Late With My Christian Sister

The shadows encircle,
creep forward, and close in.
Trying to envelope and permeate
all space
leaving its residents gasping for air.
Every night it does this
grasping at every hour it can
to rule with an iron fist
spreading its kingdom of Night.
But as it reached our apartment,
its attempt to suck life
was in vain
as light shot out
from two vessels of love
sharing life with Christ
and one another.
The darkenss shrank back,
taken aback as it was,
by this display of light
during its highest hours of reign.
It remained at the edges of sight,
waiting for its opportunity,
but that opportunity never came because
Light Grew.
Even after the vessels of light took their rest,
LIGHT HIMSELF
came to stand guard.

~John 1:5


23 Sept. 2014

Daddy's Little Girl

03 May 2014

Fiercely loyal

to those she cares for.

Heart breaking

for those not yet found.

Mature in stature

with faith like a child.

Uncertain of the future

but trusting in the One

outside of time.

Repentant of past sins

and of her striving

for righteousness.

Resting now

in God’s great love,

allowing Him to be her

Righteousness.

Listening for His voice,

seeking to obey

to one day hear those words:

“Well done,

Good and Faithful Servant.”

Servant Leader.

Friend and Mentor.

Martial Artist.

Guitarist.

These things and more

can all define who she is.

But she finds her identity in this singular thought:

Daughter of the Most High God.

Or, as she likes to say,

Daddy’s Little Girl.

Thirsty

Thirsty (Women at the Well)

18 Feb. 2014

You were thirsty

And so you made the journey

without a worry

knowing this well could satisfy.

I was thirsty

so I asked you for a drink,

but you looked at me and blinked

wondering why I would show you mercy

when Jews saw Samaritans as unworthy.

Thirsty.

I could see your need,

your cry and plead

for someone to notice & love you.

Well can’t you see,

oh my daughter,

that I am the Living Water?

I and I alone will satisfy.

No more will you be…

Thirsty.

Sex Trafficking / Threedom's Mission

27 March 2014

Threedom’s Mission

You’ve all seen what American culture teaches,

how it preaches,

sex, sex, and more sex.

If you’re having great sex, than you’re living the dream!

Or so it would seem

from what American media deems

as life.

Well guess what,

I have sex every day,

sometimes multiple times a day,

you’d think I got it made!

But I didn’t choose this life.

I’d rather be somebody’s wife

in a house with two kids and a dog,

Maybe a cat.

Ya’ know, I’d even take a turtle

because that was what I thought I wanted,

to purchase the American dream,

and hold on to my receipt with an iron fist

complete with a white picket fence.

To see that dream come true

was to receive assurance of a comfortable life

safely tucked away behind that white picket fence.

But now, I don’t care if I’m living in tents,

I just WANT OUT!

I’m tired of people talking about

sex slavery

without wavering

in their complacency and apathetic attitudes.

And what about those so-called Christians?

Aren’t they supposed to be protecting God’s people?

Yet I see them sit underneath their steeple,

in well-dressed clothes with finely tuned guitars

praising their Jesus who calls them to… what?

To occasionally send a couple bucks towards a cause

only after they have financial security?

To wait to act until they have complete spiritual maturity?

Hello world, what about my purity?!!

Remember when I said I didn’t choose this life?

Have ya’ll seen Taken?

‘Cause that is what I was:

Taken, Stolen,

Ripped out of my mother’s arms

as though a heart being ripped from its home,

to beat in a place it was never meant to be.

and feed the lies that were meant to die.

And now my heart beats inside an object.

Because That. Is. What. I. Am.

A thing, simply some thing, to be enjoyed for personal pleasure.

Ya’ know, Every day I fulfill someone else’s desires

as though all my dreams have expired

and are no longer worth pursuing.

Won’t anyone choose me?

Give me a chance to be free?

Yet all I can see

of my future are shackles

as if I’m tied to boulders

an enormous weight on my shoulders. 

Even when there’s no one above me,

I can’t seem to lift myself off this mattress

and wherever you look on an atlas

help isn’t coming

from anywhere.

I think I remember a Psalm

from my Sunday school days with mom,

back when my life was calm:

“I lift my eyes to the hills,

from where will my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

maker of heaven and earth.”

Well I’ve never heard of hills behind bars,

but through my window I see the stars.

If you, Oh God, created all that,

why am I walked all over like a mat?

Where are you God?

I’m simply looked at as a lesser human being,

and knowing I’m created in your image isn’t so freeing

when a good day is the day I’m not looked at,

but simply overlooked.

Do you, God of the universe,

see this broken vessel?

Every night with you I wrestle

angry but mostly afraid,

wondering when and if this

will ever end.

Wondering if I will ever get to live.

Wondering if I will ever get to know what Life even is.

If I do it better come soon

because I am slowly slipping away

as bits of my soul stray

and depart with every man that leaves,

my heart left torn and empty.

Soon all will be gone,

and only a shell will remain.

a shell, a body and soul, broken.

Alone.